Crystal Legends
by Sylphior
Summary: Arcagie's caravan has traveled out to collect Myrrh for their town. But with a new evil coming, can they even save their town, let alone theirselves? 9th Chapter. Up. Sorry about the 1.5 month delay. School is a killer.
1. Chapter 1: ASS, Arcagie's So Screwed

Chapter 1: ASS, Arcagie's So Screwed 

Your adventures shall be recorded in this journal. It shall be known as the Crystal Chronicles, AKA The Giant Big Ass Book.

Roland: So, your first year on the caravan. I'm glad you're willing to join and collect Myrrh for the town of Arcagie.

Rutker: You forced us into going! You drugged us!

Roland: …Your point? Either way, you're going to retrieve the Myrrh, whether you like it or not.

Karen: …You suck, bitch.

**Karen gives Sarah a motion**

Sarah: So, how long do you think we'll be on this trip?

Roland: Maybe 4, 5 hundred years.

Sarah: WHAT?

**Behind Roland, you see Karen taking his wallet**

Sarah: Um, OK. Thanks for your encouragement.

Depre: Well, let's go!

Karen: Hold it, Clavat! We're not going anywhere till I say so! And where the hell's Daemon?

**Daemon comes up behind Karen**

Daemon: Hey, what's going on?

Karen: If you even come as close as touching me, I'll break your neck!

Daemon: Hey hey! Can't we all get along? How about you, Sarah?

Sarah: Um, surprisingly, I have to agree with Karen.

Karen: All right, shut up! All of you! I'm the leader, and we're leaving now! Hold on, does anyone have any rope?

Daemon: Yeah, why?

Karen: Oh, no reason. Let me just see it.

Daemon: OK. Anything for you…

**Five Minutes Later**

Daemon: Hey! You can't leave here! I don't want to be stuck to this tree! Come on!

Depre: When do you think we're going to let him go?

Karen: What? Who said anything about letting him go?

Sarah: Come on! He might be useful. He could be bait.

Karen: Hmm, good point. Make sure to put a piece of bacon on his head to attract the monsters.

Daemon: Um, you know what? I'm enjoying the view from up here! You can just leave me! I'll be fine.

Aaron: Oh Daemon, we're not going to let you miss a single thing on our adventure.

Daemon: Ah, crap.

Sarah: I don't have bacon, but how about meat instead?

Karen: That'll work better. HEY DAEMON! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!

Roland: WILL YOU GUYS LEAVE ALREADY! WE'RE DYING HERE!

Karen: OK, OK, we're going, you old man. Anyways, let's see what the old man had. 400, 500 Gil, a worm antennae, a crystal ball, a Legendary Weapon. Not bad.

Sarah: What'd you get?

Karen: Nothing good. Just some crap.

Depre: Who wants onions?

Aaron: I do! Wait a minute…crap.

Karen: GET HIM!

Aaron: Wait? Can't we all work this out?

Sarah: Hey, we drew straws. You lost. Besides, you're made of onions.

Rutker: Technically, Lilities are from the Onion family, but still.

Karen: Oh, shut up Rutker, nobody asked a spirit with no body for help.

Rutker: You didn't have to be so mean…

Karen: Like I care.

Sarah: He's almost done!

**Aaron's on a stake**

Depre: No, I didn't mean him!

Karen: And you just said that 20 minutes after you said who wants Onions. Yeah, that's real smart.

**Daemon eating Aaron's arm**

Aaron: OW! Hey, that hurts you son of a bitch!

Daemon: Shut up! I'm hungry!

Aaron: Get your own food!

Daemon: I don't wanna!

**Karen hits both of them**

Karen: Either you guys shut up, or I'll eat you both!

Sarah: Ooh, conflict!

Rutker: I got my bets on Karen!

Depre: Shut up, asshole.

Karen: Well, after eating half of Aaron's arm, we're finally at River Belle Path. At the least, we could last five minutes in there.

Sarah: I have an idea! Let's throw Daemon in there!

Daemon: HELL NO. Well, I might if you wou-

Karen: NO.

Daemon: Co-

Karen: NO!

Daemon: Please!

**Karen whacks Daemon into River Belle Path**

Daemon: Oh god help me! I have been violated.

Karen: I told you Sarah. It's nice to have an idiotic decoy.

**Rutker is hunched over, drawing something**

Depre: What are you doing?

Rutker: Look at my masterpiece! Voila!

**A crappy Flower**

Depre: Um, that's pretty good. Putting it mildly of course.

Karen: In other words, it sucks ass. Let's get moving. The monsters killed themselves over Daemon's liver.

Daemon: My life is nothing but AGONY! And VIOLATION!

Karen: DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE?

Daemon: Um, maybe.

Karen whacks him into another group of monsters 

Sarah: Don't you ever get bored of that?

Karen: …What are you crazy? This is more fun than stealing dad's wallet!


	2. Chapter 2: The Idiotic Path

Chapter 2: The Idiotic Path 

Karen: All right, before we go into River Belle Path, let's assign the roles and Magicites. Since this is our first level, it really doesn't matter.

Sarah: I call Curer!

Karen: OK, Sarah is the Curer and gets the Cure Magicite. Now, Aaron and me are in the front lines while I get the Blizzard, and Aaron gets the Fire. Rutker and Depre will be in the back attacking with spells. Rutker has the Life, and Depre has the Lightning.

Daemon: What do I get to do? Stay behind you?

Karen: No. You'll be distracting the enemies while they chase you.

Daemon: WHAT?

Karen: You also get the Clear, which you'll have to use because I say so. And I'll allow that you don't get any other Magicites.

Daemon: Oh come on! I can do more than be bait!

Karen: Like what? Beat up Rutker? I doubt it.

Daemon: I bet I can beat you!

Karen: Try it.

Daemon: OK. **charges at Karen**

**Daemon trips**

Karen: Pathetic. **Karen steps on Daemon**

Daemon: Ow, that hurts.

Karen: Like I care. All right, let's go in there!

Depre: But wait, shouldn't we organize Spell Fusion?

Aaron: Say wha?

Depre: Like, who combines spells with who?

Karen: **Sighs** All right. Since you and Rutker are getting Life and Lighting, you guys will be doing Holy. Aaron and me will do Gravity.

Rutker: What about the –aga spells?

Sarah: Like we'll need them.

Karen: Let's see, I'm getting this picture in my head being surrounded by Fire-weak creatures and us dying. So, no we don't need the –aga spells. Let's go already.

Rutker: But-

Karen: You wanna be bait too? I can put you in with Daemon if you want. **Starts going towards Rutker with her paddle**

Rutker: N-no, I'm fine.

Karen: You sure?

Rutker: Y-yeah, I'm sure.

Karen: Ok then.

**Karen kills a goblin**

Karen: Die, bitch!

Sarah: OK, I think he's dead now.

Karen: Let me check first.

**Karen twists his head off**

Karen: Yeah, he's dead.

Rutker: I'm scared, mommy.

Sarah: Karen, I know you like to kill things, but was the horrible mutilating really necessary?

Karen: No, but it's fun.

Daemon: You want to know what else is fun?

**Karen whacks him**

Karen: Yeah, kicking your ass.

Daemon: I've been violated again! And I like it!

**Karen whacks him into another group of monsters**

Daemon: OH COME ON! GIVE ME SOME SLACK!

Karen: Let's go already.

Sarah: I see a group of monsters ahead!

Aaron: What monsters?

Sarah: I think Goblin chiefs, or Muus, hell I don't know.

Aaron: Let's get them!

**Charge**

Karen: Sarah, we need to be cured!

Sarah: Hold on! I'm watching my soaps!

Karen: Sarah, dammit! You better cure us right now!

Sarah: Don't marry her, Fred!

TV: Fred, she's a fake! **Commercial Break**

Sarah: OK, now…Where's Karen?

Karen: Dammit Sarah!

Sarah: Hey Karen! I can see right through you!

Karen: No duh! I'm a freakin ghost, man!

Sarah: **Pokes** Cool You're like a hologram!

Karen: What the hell is a hologram?

Sarah: Don't know!

Karen: Where's Rutker? He has the Life spell!

Rutker: Hold on. I'm watching these monsters eat my liver.

Karen: Ah, crap.

Sarah: What about Aaron?

**Karen points to a pile of crap.**

Sarah: It smells…oh.

Aaron: Dammit, Sarah! This is all your fault!

Sarah: Why is it my fault? You're the one who died! What's the big deal? You look like that all the time!

Karen: Sarah, just look for a Phoenix Down and revive Rutker.

Depre: Come on Sarah, let's go.

Sarah: **Pokes** Hey, you're solid.

Depre: Because I'm not dead, stupid.

Sarah: Why?

Depre: Because I used Aaron as a shield.

Aaron: Bitch.

Depre: Where's Daemon?

Karen: Who cares? I think the monsters are still eating his liver.

Daemon: Hey guys! I just got my arm back! Why are you guys like that? **Pokes Karen**

Karen: Dammit, I can't whack him. Sarah, whack him for me.

Sarah: OK.

Daemon: Not the face!

Sarah: So, where would we find a Phoenix Down?

Karen: Obviously, from a monster or chest, you dumbass.

Daemon: I can't feel my toes! Sarah, can I lean on you fo-

Sarah: NO.

Daemon: But I'm handicapped.

Sarah: Walking makes it heal faster. Now get walking!

Depre: There's a Phoenix Down!

Sarah: And there's a Goblin horde! Run!

Daemon: Oh come on, they seem nice AAHHHH! THEY'RE HURTING ME!

Sarah: Leave him. We'll be better off.

Depre: LIGHTNING!

**Monsters don't feel anything**

Depre: 00 Why didn't it work?

Karen: MAYBE BECAUSE YOU DROPPED YOUR LIGHTNING FOR A FREAKIN' FRUIT SEED! What use is a fruit seed?

Depre: …For fruits? You never know when we'll get hungry.

Karen: If we get hungry with no food, we'll eat Daemon first, then Aaron.

Aaron: WHAT?

Karen: Hey, be happy you're not first.

Aaron: Meh.

Rutker: Hey, the goblins are coming towards us with clubs! Maybe they'll give us a present!

Karen: No, dumbass. They're going to kill Sarah and Depre. Well, nice knowing ya.

Sarah: Wow, thanks a lot.

Karen: No problem. Now start fighting!

**Daemon accidentally lets off a bomb**

Aaron: Smooth.

Sarah: Hey, he killed all of the monsters. NICE JOB, DAEMON!

Karen: You said the forbidden words! You shall be punished as soon as I live again!

Sarah: Wha? Did I actually say that?

Karen: Yeah, dumbass.

Depre: Let's just get the Phoenix Down now.

Sarah: Yeah.

**Sarah revives Karen**

Karen: Sarah.

Sarah: Yeah?

Karen: Remind me to kill you after we get the myrrh.

Sarah: Why?

Karen: Because you were supposed to revive Rutker, not me!

Sarah: …Why?

Karen: Because Rutker has the Life Spell, and we don't have anymore Phoenix Downs, dammit!

Sarah: Oh.

Karen: Great, we're going to have to find another Phoenix Down. I'm leading.

Daemon: Yay! I can touch Karen again!

Karen: Sarah?

Sarah: What?

Karen: Remind me to kill Daemon too after getting the myrrh…Slowly.

Sarah: Yeah, OK.

Depre: Hey, I found my Lightning Spell again!

Karen: Whoop-da-de-freakin-do-da. NOBODY FREAKIN CARES! Now let's go.

Daemon: Hey, there's a chest with a Life Spell in it!

Karen: How would you know?

Daemon: It's says so right here in the Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles Guidebook on page 23.

Karen: What? Where the hell did you get that?

Daemon: I've had it for awhile.

Karen: All right, let's just get it.

**A Griffin comes**

Daemon: Hey, those don't come till cycle 2!

Karen: So? Let's just kill it. Depre, Gravity! Let's go!

**Gravity**

Karen: Now kill it!

**Fight cloud**

Karen: Well, we have dinner now. Let's get that Life Spell.

**Karen revives Rutker**

Aaron: Hey, Full-Life me!

Sarah: Why?

Karen: It doesn't make much difference. You only have 4 hearts. Won't do anything extra.

Aaron: Well, I just wanted to see what it was like…I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM!

Everyone: 0o OOOOOOKKKKKK. Let's just continue.

**Party Revived**

Karen: Finally. Now, before we go, let's just see what items we have.

**Food, Gil, Iron, Bronze, Novice Weapons, Gloves, Belts, Sallets, Shields, Armors**

Karen: Meh, it's pretty good. Now, I'll be taking those.

Aaron: WHAT? I just got that novice weapon! And you already have one!

Karen: Well, it sells for 50 or something gil, and so does a lot of this stuff.

Depre: Bitch.

Karen: Hey, you can go with Daemon over there WITH THE GOBLINS!

Depre: OK, it's OK. It's cool, it's cool.

Karen: OK, good. Let's get ready for the Giant Crab. Crappy name.

**Ominous Music**

**Giant Crab appears**

Red Mage: Dun-dun-duuunnnn!

Black Mage: You idiot! We're in the wrong game, you dumbass!

Red Mage: Oh, sorry.

Black Mage: And stop doing that! I'll kill you next time you do that.

Rutker: Totally random. Let's just fight.

Karen: Aaron, Gravity!

**Gravity**

Giant Crab: Hey! Watch it! I just got my shell waxed.

Karen: Holy crap, it's smarter than Daemon! Which isn't very hard to do anyways.

Sarah: You can talk!

Giant Crab: Of course I can talk! What do you think I was, some kind of dumbass?

Karen: Actually, yes. Well, let's just kill you know. Rutker, Depre, Holy!

**Holy**

Giant Crab: I'm mad! **Thundara**

Daemon: I can't move!

Sarah: Good. You stay there, while he goes after you so we can attack him.

Karen: Depre, you have a Blizzard, right?

Depre: Yeah.

Karen: Then Blizzaga! **Blizzara** Dammit, Depre. You have to wait longer! **Blizzara** Depre, get it right! **Blizzara**

Giant Crab: You guys done? I'm freezing over here!

**Blizzaga**

Karen: Finally.

Giant Crab: OK, that's it. **Thundaga**

Karen: Oh, son of a- **Paralysis** Sarah, cure us! And get it right this time!

Sarah: OK, ok. **Cure**

Aaron: Charge! **Lance stuck in leg**

Giant Crab: Ew, bad onions.

Aaron: I'M NOT AN ONION!

**Scrape off Aaron**

Aaron: Ow, ow.

Karen: I've had enough. Sarah, Double Smash!

**both do Focus Attacks**

Giant Crab: I…only…wanted people…to remember my name. Dick Head.

Karen: Now shut up and die, you Dick.


	3. Chapter 3: It's Never Nothing

Chapter 3: It's Never Nothing 

Karen: Alright, so we've defeated the Giant Crab, or Dick Head. Let's spread the artifacts. I call the Earth Pendant!

Sarah: Well, I'm taking the Moogle Pocket.

Aaron: No, I'm taking the Moogle Pocket!

Sarah: Yeah, right. I called it first!

Aaron: You wanna fight for it?

Sarah: Sure! **Fight Cloud** Hah, told you I'd win.

Aaron: I lost, to a bitch!

Sarah: What do you mean? It's easy to defeat an onion!

Aaron: I'M NOT AN ONION! But I call the Giant's Glove.

Depre: You've got enough Strength. I'm taking it!

Rutker: I'll take the Cat's Bell.

Daemon: And I'll take the Hood thingy.

Karen: Wow, you don't even know what a Black Hood is.

Aaron: So what do I get?

Karen: You get the iron. Have fun!

Daemon: I know how to have fu-

**Whack. Never gets old**

Karen: Daemon, next time, I'm going to kill you.

Daemon: Hey, I thought you were dead, Dick!

**Dick Head appears…again**

Dick: No, I never die. Just defeated. **Starts killing Daemon**

Daemon: NO! I've been violated!

Dick: OK, that just sounds wrong. Take him back. **Whack**

Karen: No, you can keep him. **Whack**

Dick: I'm not gay. And with my name, it sounds worse than it already does. **Whack**

Depre: Well, you two would make a nice couple. You guys have fun. **Whisper** Let's go before he comes back. **Whack**

Daemon: Are we done playing Tennis? And don't leave me with Dick Head!

Karen: Let's go.

Daemon: Don't leave me here!

Sarah: Nobody likes you!

Daemon: …I like me.

Girls: Nobody cares!

Aaron: Come on, let's get to the Warthog.

Karen: Why the hell are you calling it a Warthog?

Aaron: Cause it sounds cooler.

Sarah: Well, if you ask me, it looks more like a-

Depre: Let's not have a Red vs Blue scene.

Karen: Why? We've already done like, 3 of them.

Depre: Please, just not now.

**On the road**

Rutker: So where to next?

**Daemon's in a coma**

Daemon: I'm never going to eat crab again. Ever.

Karen: Yeah, nobody cares. The next place we're going is The Mushroom Forest. But we have to pass the Miasma Stream first. What element do we need this year?

Aaron: According to the guidebook, we need Water this year. And we're going to have an event now.

**Event**

Aaron: See?

Karen: Yeah, we know.

Sol Racht: Hey, fellow Caravanners. Might you be Arcagie's Caravan?

Sarah: Yeah, what's it to you?

Sol Racht: Well, I thought I'd give you advice about your adventures. Don't go on any of them.

Depre: And that's helpful advice? We thought of that before, but Roland is such a jackass.

Sol Racht: That old son of a bitch is still alive? Wow. I thought he'd be dead by now.

Aaron: Dude, we're in a video game. Nothing ever dies in video games. 'Cept in major events.

Sarah: Like in FFVII?

Aaron: Yeah.

Karen: Can we just get back to the point? **Whacks them both**

Sarah: Ow, that hurts.

Karen: Not caring. Anyways, any other helpful advice?

Sol Racht: Well, I heard rumors about the Black Knight. He's been spotted attacking nothing.

Karen: This guy needs a therapist. Or more.

Sol Racht: It's said he's trying to attack some kind of light.

Karen: Yeah, he definitely needs a psychotherapist. Well thanks.

**New Memory Added**

Karen: Well, that was a waste of time.

Depre: Also, they'll appear every other time. Life sucks.

Sarah: You suck!

Depre: Die, bitch.

Karen: Shut up, you twits.

Depre: Oh, you girls want to take this outside?

Sarah: Bring it on, sucker.

Karen: You twits are dead.

Daemon: Catfight! I want to join!

Girls: You join, and you'll be dead!

Daemon: OK, ok, not joining.

Rutker: You really shouldn't get them pissed even more. A girl's slap is stronger than a boy's punch. It's a proven fact.

Aaron: How would you know?

Rutker: …Experience.

Daemon: Well a girl's paddle is stronger than a girl's slap.

Karen: Let's get it on!

**Fight Cloud**

Daemon: Who do you think is going to win?

Rutker: I don't know. It's pretty even.

**Sword flies out**

Rutker: **Dodges** Then again, Karen has no hesitation to kill.

**Paddle flies out**

Aaron: **Dodges** Yeah, but Depre's anger gives her an edge.

Daemon: She has an anger side?

Rutker: Yeah, she's got split personalities.

**Another paddle flies out**

Daemon: Ow! I've nothing to say.

Rutker: The guy has no brains.

Daemon: Hey!

**Fight Cloud ends**

Karen: Hah, told you I'd win.

Depre: Yeah? How about again, bitch?

Karen: Yeah right. Let's just go.

Sarah: I'm missing my spleen. And my liver. And my lungs. And my kidneys. And my dignity.

Karen and Depre: Does anyone care?

Rutker: Let's continue with our adventure.

**Goblin appears**

Daemon: Hey, it's a goblin! It looks nice.

**Goblin charges after Daemon. Knocks him down**

Daemon: **Goblin repeatedly attacks him.** Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Karen: He's right! It is a nice fella. It's killing Daemon for us!

Daemon: Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. I could use some help here! Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Sarah: Hold on. We need to check our inventory. So what do we got?

Karen: Just some scrolls. Enough for all of us. Somebody can take this extra Novice Weapon. I already have my Warrior's Weapon. Anyways, we've got some irons, about 2,000 gil total, bronze, alloy, bronze shard, some food. And some more crap.

Sarah: Well, let's split the food. Based on our favorites.

Depre: All right, I get the Striped Apples.

Aaron: Then I get the Meats.

Rutker: I'll take the Star Carrots.

Karen: I'll take 6 of the 10 Fishes.

Sarah: What? Then I only get 4 of the 10.

Karen: Well then. Get in line for the next fishes. But no cutting. I'm in front of you.

Sarah: You know I hate you, right?

Karen: Yeah, so?

Aaron: Well let's go.

Rutker: I feel like we're forgetting something.

Daemon: Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Karen: Leave him. He's better off there. Let's just go.

**Goblin charges after Karen**

Karen: **Hit** Well, he's not very smart. Let's go.

Daemon: Can somebody call a pacifist or a medic?

Doc: I can ease your pains…while you die.

Karen: Get out of here, you son a bitch! You're not even made from Square!

Doc: I was only trying to help!

O'Malley: I shall feast upon your brains and have you taste oblivion! Which tastes just like Red Bull! Which tastes disgusting!

Karen: Girls?

Depre: Let's.

**Fight Cloud**

O'Malley: I shall have my revenge!

Karen: Just get out of here!

Doc: You didn't have to be so mean!

Karen: So this is the Miasma Stream.

Rutker: Doesn't seem that scary.

Aaron: Well, it does have a creepy feeling to it. And also…

Sarah: Let's go.

**Daemon carries chalice without Aaron following them**

Aaron: And it's atmospheric-Hey! Don't leave me out here! **Chokes** Guys! Guys! Wait for me!

**Aaron dies**

Sarah: Shouldn't we go back for him?

Karen: Ah, he'll come back next level.

**Event**

Karen: Great. Another Event. What is it now?

Bal Dat: Hay, can you possibly help us? Our caravan is broken.

Karen: Sure. Sarah, you help them while I go attend some other matters.

**Karen goes to the Striped Bandits Caravan**

Karen: Wow, these guys are crappy thieves. All they've stolen are Striped Apples and…Ugh, I don't want to know what that is. **Pile of moldy crap**

Meh Gaj: Hey, who's there?

Karen: Holy crap. It can talk. Better get outta here.

Sarah: There, should be fine.

Bal Dat: Thank you.

Karen: Yeah, but you might want to do something about the pile of moldy crap in the back.

**New Memory Added**

Karen: Those guys were the worst thieves. All they had were Striped Apples.

Depre: Did you take any?

Karen: Yeah, bout 100 or something.

Sarah: Wow, they're obsessed.

Bal Dat: What do you mean you didn't get anything? And they stole all of our Striped Apples?

Meh Gaj: Now, now. No need to get all angry and whatnot.

Bal Dat: Oh, I passed angry awhile ago!

Aaron: So, we're finally at The Mushroom Forest.

Karen: Yeah.

Depre: It's so beautiful.

Karen: Hey Aaron. Let me see your Fire Magic for a second. **Fire**

Sarah: Must you destroy everything beautiful and majestic?

Karen: …Yes.


	4. Chapter 4: Chain of Stupidity

Chapter 4: Chain of Stupidity 

Karen: OK, we've arrived at the Mushroom Forest. Now let's make some changes to the roles.

Sarah: I get Curer again!

Karen: No you don't. Last time, we got killed! We each get two different Magicites this time. I get Blizzard and Cure.

Aaron: Then I'll take Fire and Lightning.

Depre: Lightning and Life.

Rutker: Life and Cure.

Sarah: Blizzard and Fire.

Daemon: Fi-

Karen: You get Clear again. Now, me and Aaron will be in the front lines still. Sarah, you work with Rutker and Depre with Spells.

Daemon: What do I do?

Depre: You're carrying the chalice.

Daemon: Why?

Depre: Cause I said so.

Daemon: You have no power over me.

**Depre looms over Daemon**

Daemon: **whimpers** Apparently, you do.

Karen: Now, with Fusion Spells, use your imagination.

Rutker: My imagination is limited.

Sarah: 0.0 Yeaaaahhhh.

Somewhere in another dimension 

Sora: Now where are we?

Riku: I have no freakin idea.

Mickey: I think we're in Hollow Bastion.

Riku n00b: OMFG! 17'$ $04A AND 41KU!

Riku: What the hell?

Riku n00b: ¿00 $HALL D13!

**Riku n00b charges**

Riku: OH…

Sora: …Crap.

**Flash of Light**

Sora: Oh great, now where are we?

Riku n00b: WTH? WH343 7H3 H3LL A43 W3?

Mickey: He had to come too.

Riku: Great, now we got two annoyances with us.

Sora: 2? I think you miscounted, Riku. There's only one with us.

Riku: Sure, let's just go with that.

Riku n00b: ¿00 $HALL D13!

Mickey: Have you noticed we're 8-Bit pixels in a 3D-World?

Riku: I try to ignore it.

**Karen and the rest of the caravan show**

Karen: Who the hell are you guys? Some demented monsters?

Riku and Sora: Whoa! Screw Kairi!

Riku: Hey, what are you doing later?

Sora: You wanna go get a drink later?

Karen: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. First off, I've already got a boyfriend.

Sarah: You do? You never told us that!

Karen: It's my life. I can do whatever I want with it. And if I told Daemon, he'd bug me even more.

Daemon: You have a boyfriend? How come you never told us that? Who the hell are you guys?

Riku: Well, my name's Riku, and the idiot here is Sora. And that little mouse is Mickey.

Mickey: HI!

Daemon: Where did you come from? Wait, how'd you get here?

Riku n00b: $H047 A773N710N $&AN.

Sora: Yeah, I'm beginning to notice.

Sarah: Can we get back to Karen and her boyfriend? So, what's his name?

Karen: **Sighs** All right, if I need to tell you. His name is Zajac, and he's living in Alfitiria now.

Sarah: What is he, a Selkie?

Karen: No, a Clavat. And he's not as bad as me, but still.

Rutker: So what you're telling me is he's like you, just not as much.

Karen: Yeah. He said next time I'll see him is in 4 years.

Aaron: So we're going to have two killers now. Great.

Karen: Yeah, you got a problem with that? I am a little bit hungry right now.

Aaron: N-no, I'm fine.

Mickey: So, where are we?

Depre: You're in the Mushroom Forest right now.

Sora: The mus-who whaddy what now?

Depre: The Mushroom Forest.

Sora: Oh.

**3 Ochus come**

Sora: Holy Crap! What the hell are those things?

Riku n00b: D13, Y0U $0N 0F A 817¢H!

**Riku n00b charges at the Ochu**

Riku n00b: **Gets beaten to death** 0U¢H. 7HA7 HU47 A !07.

Karen: What the hell is he saying?

Riku: We honestly have no idea. He's trying to kill us.

Sora: How are going to kill that thing?

Karen: Simple. Aaron, Firaga! **Firaga**

**2 of the Ochus die**

Sora: I could've done that.

Riku: Sure you could.

Riku n00b: 1 ¢0U!D U$3 $0#3 H3!& H343.

Karen: Nobody cares!

Doc: I can help.

Depre: Will you get the hell out of here?

Doc: Um, I wish I could, but the problem is, I don't know the neighborhood that well.

Depre: Just get out of here!

Doc: OK. Good-bye, you guys.

O'Malley: Revenge shall be mine!

Depre: Yeah, whatever. Let's just kill that thing.

Karen: Yeah, let's.

**Fight cloud**

Sora: Girls can be so cruel!

Riku n00b: AH, 17'$ N07 7HA7 8AD. 17'$ A!$0 $0#37H1N9 Y0U D0N'7 $33 3V34YDAY.

Riku: True.

Mickey: I never saw anything like this. It's so destructive.

Riku: Yeah, where have they been all this time?

Riku n00b: Y' KN0W, W3 $71 HAV3 70 F1N1$H 0U4 8A77!3.

Sora: Crap. I thought you'd have forgotten by now.

Depre: Guys, wait. You're obviously lost. After we beat the Mushroom Forest, we'll help you guys.

Riku n00b: Y0, W343N'7 Y0U ¿U$7 A ¢4A2Y #AD 817¢H F1V3 #1NU73$ A90?

Sarah: She's got split personalities.

Riku: Ah.

Sora: That makes sense.

Mickey: I got confused.

Riku n00b: ALL 419H7, 1'LL ¢0-0&34A73 W17H 7H3#…F04 N0W.

Karen: OK, then.

**Flash of Light**

Naminé: And we'll have Marluxia think he…killed…his…Where the hell am I?

Karen: Who's she?

Sora: Hey, Naminé!

Naminé: Oh, great. I'm stuck with you now.

Riku n00b: Y0! WHY 7H3 H3LL 1$ 3V34Y80DY ¢0#1N9 H343? N3X7 7H1N9 W3 KN0W, W3'43 901N9 70 HAV3 7H3 049AN12A710N H343!

**Organization appears**

Riku n00b: 0H ¢0#3 0N!

Sora: OK, can we just lose the Organization?

**Organization disappears**

Riku: Wow, that worked.

Daemon: Hey look, that mushroom is moving!

Karen: That's because the mushrooms are mostly alive here.

**Mushroom grabs Riku n00b**

Riku n00b: ¢4A&! ¢4A&! $0#380DY H3!& #3!

Mickey: Ya know, we can just leave him with the mushroom. He's going to die sooner or later.

**Riku n00b kills the Mushroom**

Riku: Or not.

Aaron: yeah, let's just go now.

Sarah: So Karen, how long have you and Zajac been together?

Sora: I'm a pretty butteryfly!

Naminé: Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Karen: OK, anyways. It's a funny story how I met him. There were these bunch of bullies who me and my gang used to fight with at school. They were beating on some kid, so we decided to kill those bullies for breaking our honor code.

Sarah: Wait, wait, wait, you actually helped somebody?

Aaron: It's the signs of the Apocalypse! Everybody run for your lives!

Karen: -.- Anyways, the part of our honor code was to never hurt another race.

Rutker: But you threaten and keep your threats to us all the time.

Karen: Hey, that was then. When the honor code was intact. Anyways, it turns out that Zajac was the one being bullied, and had been part of that gang. Except he turned rebellious to the leader. So after that, we just started seeing each other more.

Depre: So, how long have you guys been?

Karen: I don't know, maybe 5, 4 years.

Riku n00b: $0 Y0U W343 &A47 0F YANK33 9AN9?

Karen: I was their leader. You have a problem with Yankees?

Riku n00b: N0, N0, 1 7H1NK 7H3Y'43 A 943A7 73A#!

Karen: No, I mean Yankees as in hardass girls. But yeah, the Yankees do rock.

Aaron: Yeah.

Daemon: YANKEES SUCK! RED SOX WILL KICK ALL YOUR ASSES!

Mickey: GET HIM!

Daemon: Wait guys, can't we talk this out? I mean really, it's only a game!

Rutker: KILL HIM!

Daemon: Why is it always me?

**Couple…hundred beatings later**

Daemon: Ow. I'm okay, I think.

Sora: Yeah.

**Another Ochu appears**

Aaron: OK guys, here's my plan. Go wild.

Karen: THAT'S YOUR PLAN?

Sarah: I gotta say, that's a pretty crappy plan.

Riku n00b: Y0, Y0, Y0, Y0, Y0, Y0, 1 907 70 $AY, 7H7'$ A &4377Y ¢4A&&Y &!AN.

Depre: Yeah, I got to agree with black dude over here.

Riku n00b!'# N07 8!A¢K. 17'$ &A47 0F #Y &34$0NA!17Y.

Depre: Black people say yo all the time. It's not normal!

Naminé: I wish I could have all of you guys jump off a cliff.

Riku: Didn't you do that to the Organization before?

Naminé: Yeah, it was fun, but the dolls rebelled. They had to be punished.

Mickey: Yeah, whatever freako.

Karen: Can we just kill the damn thing?

Sarah: Sure, whatever.

**Ochu dies. Fight scenes are hard**

Depre: With that out of the way, let's talk about you Sarah.

Sora: Hold on, I just have one question for Karen.

Karen: Hit me.

Daemon: Oh believe me, I want to.

**Whack**

Daemon: I hate my life.

Karen: Good for you then.

Sora: Anyways, why are you such a badass?

Karen: That, is something I shall never tell. It's a secret.

Sora: Oh.

Naminé: I can make her tell.

Karen: You tell, you whore, and you'll be using mechanical arms to use that pen.

Naminé: Yeah, yeah, ok, whatever you say, man.

Karen: OK then, let's just get back with whatever we're talking about that has no meaning.

Sarah: Yeah, well, I don't have a boyfriend yet though.

Depre: Oh. Well then, what has happened with your life?

Sarah: Nothing special. Been bullied, gotten through school, and all of that crap. Anyways, how come you have split personalities, Depre?

Depre: Ah, tis a great story.

Karen: Don't do that.

Depre: Ok. Anyways, it started off when I was 3. I was running around the house.

Karen: Oh great, this story again. You know, it's always the same thing.

Depre: Well, you know what happens?

Karen: Yeah. But you tell it.

Depre: OK. Well, anyways, my friend and I were running around the house. She picks up my sword and starts playing around with it. I was always a nice kid, but when she kept playing with it after I told her not to, I got really angry. And now, I've got split personalities.

Daemon: Anyone want to know my story?

Everybody: NO!

Karen: You don't want to hear it. It's so horrid. He forced me to listen to it before. I would rather die than listen to it again.

Karen: Well, we're at the boss battle now.

Aaron: Wow, time flies when you're…when you're…when you…nevermind.

Depre: So who's the boss?

Sarah: Some thing named the Malboro.

Rutker: What, like the smoking company?

Riku: No, that's Marlboro.

Sora: Oh. I've been using the wrong brand.

**Malboro appears**

Riku n00b: #Y 90d, 7HA7 7H1N9 1$ H1D30U$!

Karen: Yeah, no doubt. Let's kill that thing.

Naminé: This is easy. I can just make him think he's a crazy monkey who has no brains who was locked in jail for destroying all of the bananas in the world!

Karen: Go for it.

**Malboro goes crazy**

Aaron: So what do we do now?

Naminé: Wait till it kills itself.

Rutker: Ah.

**Malboro kills himself**

Sora: Wow, that was easy.

Mickey: Yeah. Hey, what's that bright light?

Riku n00b: 1 7H1N$ 7HA7'$ 0U4 71¢K37 0U7 0F H343!

Riku: Well then, let's go.

Sora: Farewell, my friends. I shake loose from these bonds for a better existence.

**Sora, Riku, Mickey, Naminé, and Riku n00b disappear**

Karen: Well then, that was a crazy trip.

Sarah: Yeah. I don't want another cameo ever again.

Doc: HI!

Everybody: GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

Doc: OK, ok.

O'Malley: We shall disappear, never to be seen again! Unless I want to be seen. So if you see me before I see you…Watch out. Into the Abyss!

Karen: I'm going to kill that guy next time I see him.


	5. Chapter 5: Halloween Special

Chapter 5: Halloween Special 

NOTE TO READERS: This is a chapter for Halloween. Well, more like Mischief Night, but what the hell. This has nothing to do with the storyline. Well, there's really no storyline here, so whatever.

Karen: This adventure just keeps getting more and more weirder.

Sarah: Yeah, I know.

Aaron: Well, let's see what we got.

Karen: Not that much stuff. The artifacts aren't that good. Just take whatever.

Rutker: Yeah.

Depre: Let's go. I just want to get this over with.

Daemon: It's getting dark outside.

Karen: We are outside, asshole.

Daemon: Exactly.

Sarah: You're such an idiot.

Daemon: Exactly.

Karen: Can we just leave him here?

Depre: All you say is "Exactly"

Daemon: So?

Sarah: It's freakin' annoying.

Daemon: So?

Karen: I swear, we can just leave him here.

Aaron: Let's get some sleep.

Depre: And miss tonight? Uh-uh.

Rutker: Why? What's tonight?

Sarah: God, boys know nothing.

Karen: Tell me about. Anyways, tonight is Dead Give-A-Way Night.

Daemon: What's that?

Depre: It's a night where all of the caravanners play pranks on the other caravans.

Aaron: How do you know about this?

Karen: My sister told me about it.

Rutker: You have a sister? How many secrets are you going to keep from us?

Karen: Many, many dark mysterious secrets. Anyways, my sister's name is Sally. When she was on the caravan, she was able to do Dead Give-A-Way Night. She did the best pranks. She was able to get a Cerberus into the Alfitiria's Caravan. It was funny as hell.

Daemon: How'd she do that?

Karen: She has her ways.

Aaron: How come we never see her at town?

Karen: Well, she went into the heart of the Miasma and well…

Rutker: Oh, I'm sorry.

Karen: **Cries** Well, what do you care?

Aaron: Did you girls know about this?

Sarah: Yeah.

Aaron: You mean you knew, and you never told us?

Depre: Why would we tell you? It's a girl thing to keep secrets.

Daemon: Girls are so mysterious.

Aaron: They're not even human.

**Whack**

Aaron: Hey! That hurt!

Sarah: Yeah, next time, be careful of what you say.

Karen: Come on, guys. Let's get ready for Dead Give-A-Way.

Rutker: Well, what pranks are we going to do?

Karen: Oh, I've got some stuff prepared. I plan to top my sister's pranks.

Aaron: What's her best? The Cerberus one?

Depre: Oh no, that's one of lesser pranks.

Daemon: LESSER?

Karen: Yeah, her best prank was sending the Fields of Fum Caravan into the RvB dimension.

Rutker: How the hell did she do that? That's impossible, even by magic standards! I'm still wondering how all of those of people got here!

Karen: Like I said, she has her ways. Let's get ready.

Aaron: But still, how can we top the RvB one, let alone the Cerberus prank?

Karen: Don't worry, I got something planned.

Karen: OK, here comes the Alfitiria caravan. Are we ready?

Sarah: Yeah.

Depre: Ready.

Karen: They're about to get a special visit. I bet they're still recovering from the Cerberus.

Daemon: So, what do we do?

Sarah: Just stand there and look cu-…look…Just stand there.

Rutker: You got it, dude.

Karen: OK, Sarah, play the music.

**OH, Light! Starts playing**

Sol Racht: Oh, crap. The Black Knight is doing Dead Give-A-Way Night, too?

Karen: Depre, turn on the flashlight.

Depre: OK. **Flashlight turns on**

Karen: OK, now for the prank. Go, get the light, Blacky, get the light.

**Black Knight appears**

Black Knight: I shall crush you for erasing my memories!

Karen: Depre, shine it on the caravanners!

Depre: Got it!

**Shines flashlight on Sol Racht**

Sol Racht: Oh, crap.

Black Knight: You cannot escape me, evil light! I shall vanquish you!

**Black Knight charges after Sol Racht**

Karen: Oh, this is great. Get the others, too.

**Black Knight charges after the caravanners**

Daemon: I still don't see how this is better than the RvB one.

Karen: Don't worry. You'll see.

Karen: Here comes Leuda caravan. Be careful. They're tricky.

Daemon: Do we get to do something now?

Karen: Actually, this is for you three guys. You just be your usual annoying selves. We'll get everything ready.

Daemon: So, you want me to be a pervert?

Karen: As long as it's not on me, sure. Go crazy.

Hana Kohl: Did you see Alfitiria's Caravan?

Dah Yis: Yeah, looks like somebody beat us to them.

Daemon: Hey, good-looking. What's going on?

Hana Kohl: Yeah, yeah, get out of my way.

**Whack**

Daemon: Are all Selkies like this?

Dah Yis: What do you guys want?

Aaron: Well, we were wondering if you guys were hungry.

Hana Kohl: Yeah, we are kinda hungry.

Rutker: Um, sure. But all we have is bread.

Dah Yis: Don't worry, we can make do with what we have.

Aaron: But what will we make?

Hana Kohl: My mom taught me this cool onion recipe.

Aaron: But we don't…have…any…onions. Oh.

Dah Yis: Hana, do you like them crispy, or watery?

Hana Kohl: Crispy. But let's get him first.

Dah Yis: You got it.

Daemon: Hey, maybe we can get together sometime?

**Gurdy appears**

Hana Kohl: OH crap, it's Gurdy.

Gurdy: Hello. What might you be doing at this time?

Dah Yis: Trying to get some food.

Gurdy: Well, maybe I can help. I have some Gourd Potatoes.

Hana Kohl: EW, keep those nasty things away from me! I'm allergic to them!

Gurdy: Well, how about some meat?

Dah Yis: Meh, that'll do.

Gurdy: Here you go.

**Dah Yis and Hana Kohl takes the meat**

Hana Kohl: Thanks.

**Aaron, Daemon, Gurdy, and Rutker meet up with Karen, Sarah, and Depre.**

Rutker: That's it?

Daemon: Your prank is to give them meat?

Depre: Wait for it.

Sarah: I made those meats.

Aaron: That's too cruel for a prank. No one should have to suffer through your cooking.

Sarah: Hey shut up!

Karen: Not only is it Sarah's cooking, but it also has a poison in it making them immune to the Chalice's effects.

Daemon: But wait, then that means…They'll blow up into smithereens!

Gurdy: Interesting theory, but no. What it means is, that the chalice won't protect them, and the miasma will suffocate them.

Aaron: But isn't that committing murder?

Karen: Don't worry, I left them a Life Spell.

Rutker: But they won't be able to use it if they're dead. I mean, the Alfitiria caravan is also dead. Is your prank to kill everybody?

Karen: It goes with it. You'll see at the end. Besides, I left them a note. Same with Alfitiria. They'll meet us at the Jegon River. You'll see.

Dah Yis: I feel funny.

Hana Kohl: So do I. It's like, the miasma is suffocating me.

Dah Yis: I think that meat was poisonous.

Hana Kohl: Yeah, and it tasted disgusting. So what happens?

Dah Yis: We're going to die.

Hana Kohl: Oh great. **They both die**

Dah Yis: Hey, they left us a Life Spell.

Hana Kohl: Yeah, but we can't use it. Damn bastards.

Dah Yis: Hey, it says it's from Karen. Isn't that Sally's younger sister?

Hana Kohl: Oh crap. We're doomed. She probably struck Alfitiria too.

Dah Yis: I think she's going to prank everybody.

Hana Kohl: It says to meet them at Jegon River.

Dah Yis: Might as well.

Karen: OK, we've gotten Leuda and Alfitiria. We still need to strike Marr's Pass, Shella, and Fields of Fum. Oh good, Marr's Pass and Shella are coming at the same time. We can prank them both.

Depre: But what are we going to do? I mean, isn't it going to get confusing?

Karen: That's why we're splitting up. You, me, and Aaron will go after Marr's Pass. Daemon, Sarah, and Rutker will go after Shella. OK, here's what you guys do to Shella.

**They split up to their caravans**

Rutker: I don't get Karen's plan that much.

Daemon: It's not that hard to understand.

Sarah: I can't believe I have to do it with Daemon. Why can't you dress up as a girl, Rutker and take my role?

Rutker: Because I don't want to.

Sarah: I'm really going to kill Karen if this isn't worth it.

Daemon: Yay! I get to hold hands with Sarah!

Sarah: Hold on. Let me get in my dress, then some thick gloves.

Rutker: Ok, let's start.

**Daemon, Sarah, and Rutker meet with the Shella caravan**

**Meanwhile, with Karen, Aaron, and Depre**

Aaron: So, what do we have to do again?

Karen: Just do what you normally do.

Aaron: You mean run away like they're trying to eat me?

Depre: Yeah, that. We'll take care of the rest.

Aaron: But this doesn't make sense. They're Lilties too. It's not going to affect them. Since people think they're onions, too.

Karen: Exactly. Just distract them somehow.

Aaron: OK, but I'm not going to like this.

Depre: Yeah, whatever. Just go.

**Aaron meets with the Marr's Pass Caravan**

Rutker: Ok, we all ready?

Sarah: Unfortunately, yes.

Amidatty: Excuse me, but do you need some assistance?

Daemon: Yes. You see, my fiancée and I ran off to elope, but it seems that we can't get married.

Amidatty: Why?

Daemon: Because our wedding dude was a fake.

Rutker: HI!

Daemon: We were wondering if you could help us. **Elbows Sarah**

Sarah: **Sighs** Yes, we wish to get mar-Get mar-um, you know. What everybody does now.

Rutker: **Whispers** What's wrong?

Sarah: **Whispers** I can't say it. It's so wrong.

Amidatty: Why, it seems I'm an official. Now, were could we go?

Rutker: Well, there's this place across the river called Rebena Te Ra.

Amidatty: Well then, let's go.

**They arrive at Rebena Te Ra. I know, it jumps the gun, but hey.**

Amidatty: OK, let's begin.

Sarah: OK. HEY! FREAKY MAGIC DUDE! THEY'RE THE ONES WHO WOKE YOU UP!

**Lich appears**

Amidatty: Caravanners, I'm afraid we've been pranked.

**Lich kills them**

Daemon: Here's a present.

**Leaves Life Spell**

Amidatty: They mock us so.

Sarah: Now let's get out of here. And Daemon, stop holding my hand, or else you're staying with Amidatty.

Daemon: OK, ok. **Let's go of Sarah's hand** It was so good while it lasted.

Sarah: Ugh, I'm taking a 3 hour shower.

Aaron: Hey guys.

Lyne Dott: AH! Onion eater! Run!

Aaron: Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. I'm a Lilty.

Lyne Dott: Oh, sorry. False alarm, guys.

Aaron: Yeah, whatever. So, how far are you guys with your chalice?

Lyne Dott: Oh, we only got 1 drop. How many do you have?

Aaron: 2 drops. We figured we'd take a break and relax.

Lyne Dott: Oh.

**Karen and Depre are getting ready to eat**

Lyne Dott: Oh, hey. You must be with this Lilty. You guys look hungry. Can we help?

Karen: Yes, you can.

Depre: We are very hungry.

Lyne Dott: Great. We've been pranked and betrayed by our own race.

**Karen and Depre eat the Lilties**

Aaron: Have fun guys! Meet us at Jegon River.

Lyne Dott: I hate it when we get pranked on Dead Give-A-Way Night.

**Karen, Depre, Aaron meet up with Rutker, Daemon, and Sarah**

Sarah: Please, kill me now.

Karen: Why?

Sarah: You had me pretend to be Daemon's Fiancée! I'd rather die than even pretend to be his Fiancée! It's pure torture! I had to hold his hand the whole entire time!

Daemon: Ah, it was so good while it lasted.

Sarah: Hey Daemon. I have a riddle for you. What did the 5 fingers say to the face?

Daemon: Um, suck it?

Sarah: **Smack** NO, smack.

Daemon: OH, now I get it.

Karen: So, how'd it go?

Rutker: Yeah, the Lich killed them.

Karen: Good, and the Marr's Caravan is dead. All we have to do is kill the Fields of Fum then we only have to do one more thing after that. Let's go find the Fields of Fum.

**Field of Fum's Caravan appears**

Karen: Finally they're here. Ok, we only have 10 minutes to pull this prank. After that, it's only a half an hour before Dead Give-A-Way Night is over, then we can't pull this off.

Sarah: OK. So all we have to do is set up a fake field of destroyed crops, they'll freak out, we revive them and say we can make their crops better.

Depre: But we actually kill their crops. They go into a frenzy and we kill them.

Karen: You got it. Let's go.

**Field of Fum notices the destroyed crops**

Sheula: **Gasps** Who would do such a thing?

Rutker: I can help.

Sheula: OH, really? Thank you.

**Rutker uses Life on the plants**

Sheula: Thank you so much. I can't stand to see a destroyed crop field.

Rutker: If you want, I can also make your crops better.

Sheula: Really? Oh, that'd be nice.

Rutker: OK, then. **Fire**  
Sheula: WHAT DID YOUDO?

Rutker: I made your crops better. Now, they're crispy and high in Vitamin C!

Sheula: OH, I think I'm about to faint.

Karen: ATTACK!

**Fum Caravan dies.**

Depre: Well, that was easy.

Karen: OK, meet us at Jegon River, or else.

Sheula: OK.

**All caravans meet at Jegon River**

Sol Racht: Ok, what do you want?

Karen: Just trying to pull off the biggest prank ever.

Dah Yis: Yeah? Well, even if you are Sally's sister, you can't do better than the RvB prank.

Karen: Oh, I'm about to. Aaron, close off the exits.

Aaron: You got it.

**Exits are closed off**

Karen: OK, now, I will revive all of you.

Amidatty: Thank you, very much.

**Revives all of them**

Karen: And we'll be off. And we'll leave this song to play.

**Unite, Descent plays**

Sheula: Well then, this can't be good.

Lyne Dott: I think she outpranked her sister just now. She kills us in a cruel way, then has him kill us in a crueler way. Great.

Memoria appears. Kills them all 

Karen: Well, sis. I just topped your prank. And with an added twist, I sent them somewhere after Memoria.

**Somewhere in Blood Gulch**

Sol Racht: Where the hell are we?

Doc: HI!

Amidatty: Oh, great.

Sarge: Simmons! The enemy is attacking with weird creatures! Kiss ass at will! Grif! Be my scapegoat!

Simmons: You're both a handsome and excellent leader.

Grif: Ah crap.

Sarge: Good work Simmons. Grif, if we survive this, I'm going to kill you…slowly.

Donut: Oh, oh, can I help?

Sarge: Sure. You can stroke his arm till he goes ballistic.

Donut: Yay!


	6. Chapter 6: Tried Depredation

Chapter 6: Tried Depredation 

Karen: Well, that was fun. Let's go.

Sarah: Where do we go now?

Aaron: I don't know.

Rutker: We should be heading towards the Mine of Cathuriges now.

Karen: Not now. Let's go on a stealing spree. The caravans should be back now.

Depre: Ok. Let's start with Alfitaria's caravan.

Sarah: Here they come now.

Karen: Come on, let's go.

**Alfitaria's caravan shows up**

Sol Racht: That was a living hell. The pink guy wouldn't shut the hell up!

**A figure appears in the back of the caravan**

Depre: Looks like someone beat us to it.

Karen: Not on my watch. Let's get him.

**The figure starts running away**

Karen: Hey, you son of a bitch, get back here!

**Karen tackles the figure**

Karen: OK, give me the goods,or you'll never see your girlfriend again.

Depre: Oh my god. Karen, get off of him!

Karen: Why?

Depre: Cause that's my boyfriend, asshole!

Karen: Oh, so this is him?

: Yeah. Now get off of me, you crazy bitch.

Daemon: Great. All that leaves me is Sarah.

Sarah: Don't even think about it.

Daemon: **groans**

Rutker: So what's his name?

Depre: Sylphior.

Sylphior: Yeah, whatever.

Depre: All right. We're through with that. Anyways, what the hell are you doing here, you bastard?

Sylphior: **sighs** All right, if I need to. I got bored.

Depre: You got bored? Great, you got bored, so you decide to steal.

Sylphior: Well, you guys were going to steal, too.

Depre: That's not the point, you bastard!

Sylphior: Great, she's on her angry side, now. I don't know which side I like better.

Karen: Angry, as long as it's not on me.

Sylphior: Yeah.

Depre: Well, if you bored, why don't you join us?

Sylphior: And stay with a group of crazy people? And you?

Karen: Watch it, asshole.

Sylphior: Sure, what the hell.

Sylphior: So what have you guys been doing?

Depre: Oh, let me tell you the whole story so far.

Sylphior: Great, I had to ask.

Depre: All right, so far we've only gotten 2 drops of myrrh…

Sylphior: I'm just going to ignore her.

Karen: So what town are you from? You're a Clavat…

Sarah: Yet, you don't look like somebody from Fields of Fum.

Rutker: Yeah! What's up with that?

Sylphior: Because I'm not from Fields of Fum, or any of the towns you know. I'm from…

Karen: Legendarious!

Sylphior: Dammit, how'd you know? It's supposed to be a secret!

Karen: My sister told me.

Sylphior: Who?

Karen: Sally.

Sylphior: Oh, her. No wonder why you seem familiar. Sally was a menace. She was cold and brutal.

Karen: Yeah, that was her.

Sylphior: Was?

Aaron: You really shouldn't talk about it.

Depre: And then we…Hey! Are you even listening to me?

Sylphior: No.

Depre: Ugh, I should have known.

Karen: All right, here comes the Leuda Caravan!

**They all charge**

Daemon: Guys! Get over here! It's an emergency!

Karen: **Sighs** What is it, asshole?

Daemon: I can't get this mustard jar open.

Depre: I'm going to kill you , Daemon.

Karen: Not if I do it first.

Daemon: Uh, guys? A little help?

Sylphior: I don't care.

Aaron: I'm with them.

**Fight Cloud**

Daemon: I don't feel so good.

Sylphior: I still don't care.

Depre: Come on, Sylphior, let's go!

Sylphior: **Sighs** Where are we going?

Aaron: We're going to the Mine of Cathuriges.

Karen: Yeah.

Rutker: Wait guys.

**Event**

Sarah: What event is it this time?

Sylphior: A Gurdy one.

Aaron: Everyone to the shelters!

Rutker: We can't. We're trapped.

Karen: Ah crap.

Gurdy: Oh, hello. I was wondering if you-

Sylphior: OK, look you annoying bastard. We're not doing anything for you, you're not traveling with us, and if you read us that poem, I will personally come to you house while you're asleep and cut off your balls and strike you in the throat till you die a million times over. Capiscé?

Gurdy: Ca-…ca-…cry-Crystal clear.

Sylphior: Now get the hell out of here.

**Event ends**

Karen: Wow. That's the most violent thing I ever heard in life.

Sylphior: Yeah, that happens sometimes.

Depre: It creeps me out sometimes.

Sarah: I can see why.

Karen: Now can we continue with stealing from Leuda?

Rutker: Sure.

Sylphior: Hold on. I need to do something.

Daemon: Um, so do I. Give me a few minutes.

Sylphior: Not that kind of business, asshole.

Depre: Ugh, I didn't need to know that.

**Sylphior walks out**

Karen: So how'd you meet him?

Depre: Kinda like your story, but the other way around. OK, so I was in Sidewinder.

Daemon: Isn't that the land made of ice?

Depre: Yeah.

Daemon: Cool! What was that like?

Depre: Um, it was cold.

Daemon: That's it? Just cold?

Depre: What do you want from me? A poem? It's a land made of ice. It's really…freakin…cold.

Karen: Can you just let him tell the story?

Depre: Ok, so I was-

Daemon: Is this the story?

Depre: Ok, that's it. When I die, your ass is haunted. I'm going to haunt you everynight.

Karen: Yeah, you're starting to annoy me now. Wait, you're always annoying me. Just continue.

Depre: OK, so as I was saying, I was in Sidewinder, bitching about the cold, when all of a sudden, this huge Cave Worm comes. So, I was trapped, no weapons, when all of a sudden, he came and saved me. After the Cave Worm was dead, I had asked him if he wanted to travel with me. He said no, but gave me a map to his town. So I've been seeing him ever since.

Sarah: Pretty good story.

Depre: Oh, here he comes. Don't tell him I told you the story, or even talk about it. He gets real embarrassed by it.

Karen: OK.

**Sylphior comes**

Karen: Hey Sylphior! How'd ya-

Depre: Dammit, Karen. I mean it.

Karen: All right, all right, jeez.

Sylphior: Ok, I'm ready. Let's go, Depre.

Depre: Ok.

Karen: OK, we've missed the Leuda Caravan, but we can still get the Marr's Caravan.

Depre: OK. Wait. I need to talk to Sylphior.

**They all lean towards**

Depre: In private!

Rutker: Oh, sorry.

Daemon: Oooh, he's getting the talk!

Sylphior: Shut up, Daemon.

**Depre and Sylphior go in private**

Depre: OK, are you sure you're all right? I mean ever since…

Sylphior: I told you, I'm fine. It's under control. He may come and go, but now I can tell whenever he comes.

Depre: OK, cause I don't want you hurting my friends, yourself.

Sylphior: Or you…again.

Depre: Yeah. OK, so you're positive?

Sylphior: Yea, Depre.

Depre: Cause this has been happening since you were 5 you told me.

Sylphior: Yea, Depre.

Depre: I don't want you running around again like some crazy kid.

Sylphior: Yea, Depre.

Depre: You've got to learn to accept your problem.

Sylphior: Yea, Depre.

Depre: Will you actually answer me this time?

Sylphior: Yea, Depre.

Depre: Let's just go.

Aaron: Can't I just carry the Chalice when we're ready to go?

Rutker: **Sighs** Sure.

Aaron: Oh, thank you **Puts down Chalice**

Depre: OK! WE'RE READY TO GO!

Aaron: **Groans** Ok.

Karen: OK, here comes the Marr's Caravan. Get ready.

Sarah: OK.

Sylphior: Whatever.

Daemon: Wind-fly!

Depre: 0.0 Yeah, we're ready. I don't think he's ready for anything.

**The Black Knight appears. Oh, Light! Starts playing**

Karen: UGH! Will we ever get anything done?

Sylphior: Hold on, let me take care of this. **Eyes glow red** NOW! MASTER DARKNESS! **A dark force covers the Black Knight, sending him somewhere**

Black Knight: Where the hell am I?

Caboose: Do you like me? I like me…

Aaron: What the hell was that?

Depre: Um, could you excuse us for a second?

**Depre and Sylphior go somewhere…again**

Depre: I thought you had it under control!

Sylphior: I did! He came, so I decided to use him!

Depre: If you use him, he'll gain control of you! Don't let him!

Sylphior: You don't understand. I have control of it for now.

Depre: Yeah-FOR NOW!

Sylphior: Look, we'll be OK. As long as I know when he's here, I'll be able to control it.

Depre: **Sighs** OK. I don't know how long we can keep this from them.

Sylphior: Don't worry. It'll be all right

**Kiss**

Depre: Yeah, OK.

Daemon: OK, what the hell was that?

Sylphior: None of your business let's just go.

Karen: OK, you know what? Let's just screw the stealing. We'll never do anything!

Sylphior: It wouldn't matter. I had already stole everything from the caravans.

Sarah: You know, you could have told us that.

Sylphior: I didn't want to.

Aaron: I hate you with great ferocity.

Sylphior: Yeah, don't care. Hey, there's Jësoz! Depre, I'll chase after him, you head him off at the pass!

Depre: Jësoz? Head him off at the pass? Who the hell says that anymore? Who does he think he is? Some kind of freaking cowboy? You better catch Jësoz, Sylph, or I'll personally weld your balls to your ass!

Sarah: Ugh, that is so wrong.

Karen: Who's Jësoz?

Depre: No need to explain. Come on, let's go.

**To Be Continued…**


	7. Chapter 7: Legends 2

Chapter 7: Legends 2 

Karen: Can someone please explain to me what the hell is going on?

Depre: Not right now, I said. All you need to know is we have to catch him.

Karen: Why?

Depre: **Sighs** Because he keeps running away from us.

Karen: What is he, some sort of criminal or something?

Depre: No, he's a friend of ours who keeps running away from us.

Karen: Oh. So why does he run away from you?

Depre: Let's stick to the point here.

Rutker: Look, it looks like somebody else got them.

Depre: Oh, they're here, too.

Sarah: More of your friends?

Depre: Yep. Let's go get them.

Sylphior: So, Jësoz, we caught you again.

Jësoz: Dammit. You guys caught me again.

Sylphior: I didn't think I'd see you guys again.

**Two Clavats, and a Selkie**

Clavat1: Yeah, well. We thought we'd drop by.

Clavat2: And catch Jësoz for old time's sake.

Selkie: Besides we got bored.

Aaron: Finally, we're there.

Karen: Wow, you're really out of shape. We only ran like, 300 miles.

Aaron: **Pants** Screw **Pants** You.

Daemon: OK, so, who are these people, and what's your name, beautiful?

Selkie: Back off, freak. And my name's Raine.

Clavat1: And my name is Frogz.

Daemon: HAH! YOUR NAME IS FROGZ! THAT'S HILARIOUS!

Frogz: Shut the hell up.

Clavat: And my name's Tip.

Sylphior: Yeah, and this is the group I'm stuck with.

Frogz: So, you're stuck with a bunch of losers, huh Sylphy? Besides your girlfriend.

Rutker: Sylphy?

Sylphior: I told you not to call me that anymore.

Frogz: Oh, come on!

Jësoz: Great, I'm stuck with a bunch of losers now.

Tip: So what's their names?

Daemon: Daemon

Aaron: Aaron

Rutker: My name's Rutker

Karen: Karen.

Sarah: Sarah.

Depre: Good, now we all know each other.

**Tip winks at Frogz**

Tip: Hey, Sarah. Aren't you cold?

Sarah: No, I'm hot.

Frogz: No you're not.

**Everyone laughs, besides Sarah**

Sarah: Wha? I don't ge- You're dead you son of a bitches!

Frogz: Yeah, right. Try and catch us first!

Tip: Let's try another one of our jokes on Karen.

Frogz: Hey Karen, you got a mole right there. Let me get that for you.

Karen: You even come close to touching me, and you'll meet Satan in person.

Josh: HI!

Karen: Not like that, you idiot.

Jësoz: So I'm stuck with you guys now?

Depre: Yep. Come on, let's go.

Karen: Finally, we're at the Mine of Cathuriges.

Depre: It doesn't look like much.

Sylphior: Well, here's my first adventure with you guys.

Frogz: Yep. **Groans** Raine! Help!

Raine: Oh, not again.

Depre: Oh, please not now.

Tip: Hold on, this always work. **Hits him on the head**

Sarah: Ok, what the hell was that?

Raine: Oh, Depre and Sylphior haven't told you yet?

Depre: **Sushing Raine** Please Raine, don't tell!

Daemon: Tell us what?

Depre: Oh! Nothing! Nothing at all!

Karen: Look, you're going to tell us right now.

Depre: **Red eyes** NO I'm Not!

Karen: OK, ok, you're not. Jeez.

Depre: Just stay off it for awhile.

Jësoz: Now you see why I run away.

Raine: What'd you say?

Jësoz: OH, nothing.

Raine: Ok, let's camp out. I don't think any monsters are coming.

Rutker: Let's hope not.

Aaron: Yeah, I don't want any monsters coming up on us.

Tip: Hey! I got an idea! Let's have a singing contest.

Karen: Ok, I'm first.

Depre: You can sing?

Karen: Yeah, better than you. And I've heard you sing.

Depre: Hey!

Sylphior: Please, just start.

Karen: OK.

♪ **Sunrise, Nightfall. There's really no difference at all. **

**If you believe in God, then that's your problem right there.**

**He doesn't control our lives, we control ours at will.**

**Half-full, Half-gone. It doesn't matter, it's done.**

**There are many surprises in life, you better be ready when they come.**

**Surprises can come at any time. So be Ready, Get Set, and Go.**♪

Sarah: Wow, Karen. I didn't know you could sing like that.

Karen: OH, my sister taught me.

Daemon: Did your sister teach you everything?

Karen: Basically.

Rutker: That explains a lot.

Tip: Well, I want to go to sleep.

Frogz: Yeah, me too.

Jësoz: I want to get out of here.

Sylphior: You're not going anywhere, you son of a bitch.

Jësoz: OK. Can I share a bed with Karen then?

Karen: NO. Hell no.

Jësoz: Oh.

Frogz: Yeah, we got a boy's tent, and a girl's tent.

Jësoz: So that stinks.

Sylphior: Good night guys.

**In the girl's tent**

Sarah: So Raine, out of Jësoz, Tip, and Frogz, who do you like the most?

Raine: Hard. They're all so idiotic. I don't know.

Depre: Come on, you have to tell the truth.

Raine: Exactly. I don't like any of them at all.

Sarah: Then why'd you be friends with them?

Depre: Cause she dated Sylphior before I did.

Raine: Yeah. Sylphior isn't close friends with them, they just started hanging with them. OK, you're turn, Karen. Have you ever kissed a boy before?

Karen: Of course. I have my own boyfriend.

Raine: Really?

Depre: Yeah, his name is Zajac.

Raine: OH. OK.

Karen: OK, now Depre. Did you date anybody before Sylphior?

Depre: Um, let me think. No. Sylphior was my first.

Karen: Oh, that's nice.

Depre: Yeah, kinda romantic. One thing though, he doesn't talk much. And about as cold as you, Karen.

Sarah: So why date him?

Raine: Oh, she has her reasons.

Depre: OK, anyways. Sarah, have you dated anybody at all?

Sarah: No. I'm just taking it slow and steady.

Karen: In other words you're boned. You're pathetic. You've never dated before? Not even kissed a guy?

Sarah: Nope.

Raine: Oh, that's not good. You should date somebody soon.

Sarah: Oh, come on, I'm only 16.

Karen: Yeah, I'm 18, Depre's 15.

Raine: And I'm 17. You should've dated somebody by now. I mean, even Depre is dating somebody now.

Sarah: Well, that's her. I mean, I just want to wait for the right moment.

Depre: Wow. OK, first let's figure out who you like.

Karen: Yeah, So, who do you like out of the 3?

Sarah: Well, I don't know. I think I like Tip.

Raine: Ugh, don't even try.

Sarah: Oh.

Depre: Yeah, you're pretty much boned.

**In the boy's tent**

Frogz: Oh, I'm going to beat you! Yes I did! Yes I did!

Tip: Again, and without any boosters this time.

Frogz: I'll still kick your ass.

Jësoz: So what you guys are trying to tell me is that none of you have ever dated before? And Daemon has been trying all his life?

Rutker: Yeap.

Aaron: That's pretty much it.

Daemon: I don't see why they don't want me.

Sylphior: I can think of many reasons why.

Jësoz: So Sylphior is the only to have ever dated before, and with 2 girls?

Rutker: 2?

Sylphior: Yeah, I dated Raine before I met Depre.

Jësoz: This is pathetic. Sylphior's 18, I'm 16, Tip and Frogz are 17.

Rutker: I'm 19

Daemon: I'm 17

Aaron: And I'm 16.

Jësoz: This is so pathetic.

Tip: Hey, maybe they're taking it slow.

Jësoz: Yeah, but they'll never meet a girl at this rate.

Frogz: Well, Tip and me always get to dance with all of the hot chicks at dances. Does that count?

Jësoz: Did you guys dance with them for at least 3 days?

Tip: No.

Jësoz: Then it doesn't count.

Sylphior: **Sighs** This is ridiculous. I'm going to sleep.

Tip: Yeah, you do that. See if I care.

Frogz: Shyeah!

Sylphior: Ok then. Good night.

Tip: …I'm bored.

Frogz: Yeah. That's nice to know.

To Be Continued… 


	8. Chapter 8: Hurricaine

Chapter 8: Hurricaine 

_Frogz: **Yawns** That was great._

_Tip: Come on, let's go wake up the girls._

_Rutker: Um, I don't think we should right now. It's still 8:30._

_Aaron: They still might be asleep._

_Tip: So?_

_Frogz: Whatever. Come on, let's go._

_**The boys start walking to the girls tent.**_

_**Meanwhile in the girl's tent…**_

_Raine: Ok, wait for it._

_Sarah: Are you sure they're coming now?_

_Depre: We're positive. After knowing them for years, they become predictable._

_Karen: I guess so._

_**Rustling outside.**_

_Karen: Hey, shut it! Here they come!_

_**The boys walk in.**_

Daemon: Good mor- Raine: Now! 

_**Girls attack the boys. Fight cloud**_

_Sylphior: That is the last time I'm following you guys again._

_Rutker: I told you guys not to wake them up. But would you listen to me? Noooo._

_Sylphior: Would somebody shut him up?_

_Karen: My pleasure._

_Depre: Wake us up?_

_Sarah: We've been up since 5!_

_Aaron: What?_

_Tip: Don't you girls ever go to sleep?_

_Frogz: Yeah, don't you need your beauty sleep?_

_Karen: Look who's talking._

_Rutker: Ow. I am hurting right now. It hurts. The pain._

_Aaron: Hey, where's Jësoz?_

_Sylphior: Probably still sleeping._

_Frogz: You can't wake him up._

_Tip: It's impossible._

_Raine: He'll be asleep till like, 2._

_Depre: Sometimes we leave him behind._

_Sarah: Well, you guys shouldn't that do that. He might get attacked._

_Tip: So?_

_Frogz: Your point?_

_Karen: Well, I don't have time for that._

_**The group arrives at the boy's tent.**_

_Karen: Hey Jësoz! Wake up!_

_Raine: we told you it's impossible._

_Karen: We'll see about that. **Whack**_

_Jësoz: Ow! Hey, that hurt. I'm sleeping here!  
Sylphior: **Indifferent** Wow, she woke him up. I am so surprised._

_Sarah: It doesn't seem like much surprise._

_Daemon: Yeah, She hurts. The brusies never go away._

_Frogz: "Brusies?"_

_Tip: What are you, five?_

_Depre: Come on, let's get moving._

_Sarah: Um, shouldn't we put out the fire?_

_Raine: No, has it ever put us out?_

_Tip: Do you guys ever fight any enemies?_

_Daemon: Yeah, but it's mostly Karen._

_Frogz: I think we're almost there._

_Jësoz: Where, home?_

_Sylphior: No, the boss._

_Sarah: So, do you guys fight good?_

_Raine: Better than most of you, that's for sure._

_Depre: Raine is a really great fighter._

_Frogz: Yeah. We'd be dead with out her._

_Tip: I'm surprised we're not dead with her. Well, Jësoz's no help at all._

_Jësoz: Hey!_

_Sylphior: It's the truth._

_Karen: Hold it guys. Wait. Keep tempting me to hit you three._

_Daemon: I'd like to-_

_**Whack**_

_**They're walking down the road later**_

_Karen: There, you got your wish._

_Daemon: That's not what I meant. Don't you ever have feelings for anything?_

_Karen: Ummm, no._

_Depre: Never?_

_Karen: No._

_Raine: Not even in your childhood?_

_Karen: Well, basically only my sister. I could care less if my town was set on fire._

_Jësoz: But don't you ever feel sorry for anything you do?_

_Karen: No._

_Raine: Girl, we've got some work to do with you._

_Karen: So? Come on, let's get going, you twits._

_Aaron: So, anyways, who is the boss?_

_Rutker: Some guy named the Goblin King._

_Depre: No, you idiot. It's the Orc King._

_Sarah: Yeah, the Goblin King is in the Goblin Wall._

_Frogz: Obviously._

_Tip: Yeah man._

_Raine: Come on, let's see what we can do to fix that problem, Karen._

_Karen: I don't have a problem. Will you guys stop buggin me about that?_

_Depre: Well, we just want to help you._

_Sylphior: It's not any big deal._

_Karen: Well it is. I like living this way. I was like this when I was born._

_Frogz: Come on, let us help you._

_Tip: Yeah, man._

_Karen: Get away from me! **Runs Away**_

_Jësoz: Hey! What about the Miasma?_

_Depre: We've been defying the laws of Miasma all this time._

_Sylphior: She'll be fine. Come on, let's get moving._

_Daemon: Um, guys._

_Sylphior: What?_

_Daemon: There's something you should know. We've got a hor' of enemies coming right at us! Hey, I said whore!_

_Tip: Oh…_

_Frogz: …Crap._

THE FOLLOWING SCEN SHALL BE ACTUALLY DESCRIBED. THE WAY IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE. YEAH. WHATEVER. WTF, MATE?

As the group charged, so did the group of blood thirsty and dirty orcs who haven't showered and flaming bombs who talk with a lame Japanese accent. Depre made the first strike on a huge Orc Chief. Depre violently struck the Orc Chief until it died. Poor soul. It never had a chance. An orc charged Aaron, but Aaron was so small, the attacks missed him. After standing there for about 5 minutes or so, he spun around, killing the orc, and the orc sneaking up behind him. Sylphior was surrounded by 4 orcs. Pretty soon, the 4 malevolent orcs attacked simultaneously. Using his 2 swords, he was able to defend all 4 bloody swords and kill the malicious with a series of combo attacks and friendly fire. Stupid orcs. After that, an orc had charged behind Sylphior. Sylphior had struck out his sword behind him, like he knew it was coming, and quickly pulled his sword up and made an X on the orc. Frogz & Tip were always together, back-to-back, during the long fight. They had done lots of creative attacks together. Like, going over each other's backs, running against walls and strike with a series of acrobatics. Frogz had kicked an orc in the butt, the orc turned around and Tip behind him did the same thing, and they just kept doing that over and over again. After that, the orc's butt was far uglier than before to describe. Raine was the best of all. She was killing bombs and orcs at the same time, using Bombs as weapons. She was fast and smooth, able to dodge the charging bombs, and catching them as she was landing and threw them at the orcs. Daemon was running around screaming "Mommy! Help!" Sarah was killing orcs using Thunder and Fire. But while she was charging a power Thunder spell, Thundaga(no duh), an orc mercilessly struck her in the back. As soon as she got up, she got her sword ready, charged at the orc, and struck the orc in its heart 2 sizes too small. Who knew she had it in her? Jësoz was hiding behind a rock. Brave soldier.

END OF BATTLE SCENE Rutker: We can't win this! 

_Aaron: He's right, there's too many!_

_Raine: Well, if we go down, we go down with honor._

_Daemon: Screw that, I wanna go down taking a crap!_

_Depre: Ugh, I didn't need to know that._

_Tip: We're screwed man._

_Frogz: Game over, man. It's game over. Game over, man!_

_Sylphior: Well, what can we do?_

_Sarah: Well, we can try to kill them all._

_Depre: Where's Karen when you need her?_

_Daemon: I always thought we could depend on her._

_**Karen appears**_

_Karen: **Still crying** What are you guys still doing here?_

_Sylphior: Getting our asses kicked, that's what._

_Rutker: We could use some help here!_

_**An orc strikes Rutker and a Bomb sets off in Aaron's face.**_

_Depre: I think we lost them._

_Sarah: Well let's use Life on them._

_Depre: We can't._

_Jësoz: Why not?_

_Raine: Because first of all, they might be alive. Second, this is one of those traumatic scenes, and we can't break animeic tradition. _

_Depre: Well, let's try to help them! Come on, Sylphior, let's help them._

_Sylphior: It's pointless. They're dead._

_Depre: But still, they could be alive. Well, not Aaron anymore. Daemon's eating him._

_Daemon: Fried Onions. My favorite._

_Sylphior: It's inevitable. Rutker is dead. And Aaron is going to come out crap…literally._

_Depre: Please, Sylphior?_

_Sylphior: I don't care!_

_Depre: And I hate you!_

_Tip: Um guys? Pay attention._

_Frogz: We're still surrounded. Monsters have no sympathy._

_**Karen attacks. It's too violent to watch. Unfortunately, this is something you read, not watch.**_

Karen: Well, that's that.

_Jësoz: Do you ever cry for more than 5 minutes?_

_Karen: What do you think I was doing when Sylphior and Depre were fighting?_

_Depre: Come on, let's go._

_Sylphior: **Indifference** Guys, we're here. _

_Frogz: Here where?_

_Tip: Yes, you know here where._

_Frogz: No, where's here?_

_Tip: Here's where here is._

_Frogz: I don't know where's here's here._

_Sylphior: Enough of your word games. We're at the boss._

_Tip&Frogz: Oh, now I get it._

_Daemon: Do you guys ever get anything done?_

_Jësoz: No, they don't._

_Sylphior: It's usual._

_Depre: Like I care. Just shut up._

_Raine: Hey, Daemon. Why are you perverted?_

_Karen: Trust me, you don't wanna know. I know, and I didn't wanna know. Sarah, don't tell her. You told me, and I didn't wanna know. But I know. You don't wanna know._

_Sarah: Trust us, it's not a pretty story._

_Tip: It's one of life's great mysteries. Like the meaning of Life, women…_

_Frogz: …And Don King's hair._

_Sylphior: Damnit guys! Let's just get going. The faster, the farther from her._

_Jësoz: Guys, I'm hungry!_

_Tip Nobody cares!_

_Frogz: Yeah. And we just had lunch._

_Depre: Damnit guys! I just want to get going._

_Daemon: Wow, you guys are so alike._

_Sylphior&Depre: No we're not!_

_Karen: I'm getting bored. Let's get going._

_Tip: You're always bored._

_Frogz: With that body._

_Raine: Come on guys. The circus wants their acts back. **Picks them both by the ear and drags them**_

_Frogz: Hey watch it! Ow! That hurts!_

_Tip: Yeah! You're causing permanent ear damage!_

_Raine: Like I care!_

_Depre: Let's just get onto the boss._

_**Orc King appears**_

_Karen: Damn, is that thing ugly!_

_Sarah: Yeah, it's pretty ugly._

_**Orc King fires an energy blast at Raine**_

_Raine: Hey! You wrecked my hair. You son of a bitch. Tsunami Kick!_

_**Orc King Dies**_

_Daemon: Do each of you guys have special powers of something?_

_Jësoz: Ummm, let's just stay off-topic._

_Tip: We'll tell you when you're ready._

_Frogz: Which is never._

_**Raine's eyes glow blue**_

_Sylphior: Oh boy._

_TO BE CONTINUED…_


	9. Chapter 9: The Soulix Unleashed

_Chapter 9: The Soulix Unleashed_

_Karen: Can someone please explain to me what the hell is going on?_

_Frogz: Depre, Sylphior, you mean you haven't told them yet?_

_Tip: How could you hide something like this from them?  
Daemon: Hide what from us?_

_Jësoz: **sighs** Should I explain this to them?  
Sarah: I'm confused. Raine's eyes are blue._

_Sylphior: Yeah, and it's not a good thing._

_Daemon: Why's that?_

_Depre: **sighs** Might as well tell them now. Let's start from the beginning. There's a reason that all of us are friends and close together. It's because we all have Soulix power._

_Sarah: Ok, ok, I'm following ya. Except what the hell is Soulix?_

_Sylphior: It's a mysterious power we all had obtained when we were 5. We don't know how._

_Karen: But why'd you keep this from us, yo?  
Depre: Because it's a terrible curse that can destroy._

_Karen: That's my kind of curse!_

_Frogz: Anyways, all…1…2…3…_

_Tip: 6._

_Frogz: 6 of us have Soulix power. What this power does is that the holder will gain a split personality._

_Tip: This other ego will only concentrate on destruction and ignore any pleas and cries from friends._

_Sylphior: But it is a powerful force, that we can't control. That's why we all stay together._

_Depre: To help each other when in need._

_Karen: That sounds like a bad idea, yo. What happens if all 6 of you are controlled by the Soulix power at the same time? I mean, all of you could team up and destroy the world, yo._

_Jësoz: That's not possible. The Soulix only works alone no matter what. If confronted by another Soulix, it will first destroy that Soulix before causing mass destruction._

_Daemon: So you guys have worked out the bugs in this thing._

_Sarah: No you idiot. They can't do a thing about it. But is there anyway to get rid of it?  
Tip: Not that we know of._

_Frogz: That's why we're traveling around the world._

_Tip: Searching for an answer to our struggle._

_Sylphior: There's one good thing. If the Soulix is defeated or run out of energy, it'll retreat back into the owner's body, giving the owner full control until the Soulix breaks out._

_Karen: Ok, ok, this all sounds interesting. I have one question, yo. Do all of these Soulix have a mind of their own?_

_Depre: Yes. All of ours. Mine's name is called Apoth._

_Frogz: Larz has taken over my body._

_Tip: Ton here._

_Jësoz: Älxoz._

_Depre: Raine has Horizon within her._

_Sylphior: And mine is Metlior._

_Sarah: Those are the weirdest names I have ever heard._

_Frogz: Don't blame me. That's what they named themselves._

_Tip: Yeah, it's not like we named them ourselves as soon as we got them._

_Daemon: Um, guys? I think Raine…er…Horizon, is about to attack us._

_Karen: I'm surprised that she hadn't attacked us when we were talking. You would think she would by now, yo._

_Sarah: What's with you saying yo all the time now?  
Karen: I don't know. I just started saying it._

_Sylphior: Anyways, we have to help her._

_Depre: Yeah. The only way we can help her is to either defeat her or just wait till the Soulix runs out of energy._

_Daemon: Well, I'd rather wait than fight, so who wants to play cards?_

_Tip: If we play cards right now…_

_Frogz: She'll kill us._

_Jësoz: I think we should just run instead._

_Karen: Come on, I bet we can take her!_

_**A bright, blue glow emits around Horizon**_

_Sylphior: Um, I think we should leave now._

_Depre: Yeah. This isn't good. She'll definitely kill us if we hang around._

_Karen: Hey Daemon._

_Daemon: Wha?_

_Karen: If you distract her, I'll give you a kiss._

_Daemon: DONE AND DONE!  
**Daemon goes to 'distract' Horizon**_

_Daemon: Hey, hey! Over here!_

_Karen: Come on, let's go now._

_**The group starts to run away.**_

_Horizon(Deep voice): OUTTA THE WAY!_

_**Horizon pounds Daemon away with a fist of water**_

_Sarah: WHOA! Since when can she do that?  
Depre: Um, yeah. That's the elemental power she has. Each of them has one._

_Karen: And Horizon's is Water?_

_Tip: Yeah, why did you think her original name is Raine?_

_Frogz: And her Soulix name is Horizon?_

_Karen: Um, the Horizon doesn't make sense to me._

_Jësoz: Nevermind. Look, anyways, Älxoz can control Wind._

_Depre: Apoth can control Fire._

_Tip: Ton can control Lightning._

_Frogz: Larz has the power to control Earth._

_Sylphior: And Metlior can control liquid metal._

_Sarah: Um, liquid metal?_

_Sylphior: Yeah. In some weird way, he can summon this weird silver liquid metal that can take any shape. And then he can harden it. I also think his body is made of this liquid metal._

_Karen: But then that means your body can be liquid metal too, then. Right?  
Sylphior: No. When he takes over, so does his nervous system, heart, soul, and everything else. If I were to break my back and he took over, it wouldn't matter._

_Sarah: So he can become liquid metal?_

_Tip: Yeah, like that villain dude in Terminator 2._

_Frogz: Yeah, that guy was awesome!_

_**Daemon comes crashing down…finally.**_

_Karen: 'Bout time you got here._

_Daemon(Weakly): Do I…get that…kiss now?_

_Karen: No._

_**Daemon springs back up from the ground.**_

_Daemon: What? You used me, just like your dog!_

_Karen: I guess you could say that._

_**Horizon is seen running towards them**_

_Jësoz: Um, guys. She's coming._

_Frogz: I guess after playing with Daemon for a few minutes…_

_Tip: …She got bored. A bit too long though to play with Daemon._

_Sylphior: All right that's it. Horizon should've gone away by now. We'll fight!_

_Tip: Can we not?_

_Frogz: I don't want to!_

_Sylphior: Well, I am. Anyone else?_

_Karen: I guess I will. Got nothing better to do._

_Sarah: **sighs** Me too._

_Depre: I'll fight, too._

_**Horizon stops a few feet in front of them**_

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_


End file.
